What I Go to School For

Although in Rome, I enjoyed the life of a lady who lunches (or drinks cappuccino, at least), once back in England I needed to find work.  As I have children, I wanted a job which offers flexible hours and time off in the holidays [Sure your poor work ethic didn’t have anything to do with it??  Ed.  Shut your face – Me].

Therefore, like 70% of the mums I know, I’ve ended up working in a school.  Apparently, 1.5 million part-time workers are over-qualified for their jobs, with women worst affected. This totally applies to me.  Even if I did full-time hours, my job would still pay less than half what I was earning fourteen years ago before having kids. Moral of the story?? DON’T TAKE A CAREER BREAK!!  Or, at least don’t something that changes so drastically over the years that you can’t go back.

Anyway, part of my job is supervising the library.  And the students that use it.  So my day involves conversations like this:

‘Miss, Josh has drawn a penis on my book.’

‘Josh, don’t draw in Harry’s book.’

‘Miss, Harry’s lying!  I didn’t draw a penis.’

‘Miss, look, here’s the penis.’

‘Yes, I can see it, thank you, Harry.  Can’t you just rub it out?’

‘I haven’t got a rubber, Miss, so I can’t rub the penis out.’

‘Right, here’s a rubber.  Just rub it out please.’

‘Miss!  I’ve rubbed the penis out but you can still see it.   He’s ruined my book with a penis.’

‘Harry, it’s fine.  You can hardly see it.’

‘Miss, I didn’t even draw that penis.’

‘He did, Miss, he drew the penis.’

‘I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANYONE ELSE SAY THE WORD PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

‘Miss?’

‘WHAT?’

‘You said penis.’

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Another Six Words

Another busy week and another week of not writing much.  But I did manage to enter the Six Word Story Challenge again.  So a total of six words written in seven days.  Go me!

The theme this week was ‘Horror’.  My entry summed up a terrifying experience that I’m sure we’ve all been through:

The stubborn turd refused to flush.

Ok, I might not have taken it quite as seriously as other entrants but I did get three votes…

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Getting Lazier with Six Word Stories…

Hmmm, I seem to have lapsed into blog silence since the A-Z Challenge.  Things are a tad stressful at the moment – we’re about to move for the third time in a year.  There’s too much to do.  Too much to think about.  And blogging is one of those things that’s very easy to drop when times are busy.

But, according to Ally Bean, “In personal blogging, quality of post is less important that the fact that you managed to show up again, against the odds, and write something.”

Is that true??   Is quantity preferable to quality?   I’m not so sure.  I tend to stop following bloggers or tweeters (?) who post all the time.   Especially if they’re really just posting sales pitches for their products.

But, in the interest of posting slightly more often, I think I need more challenges.  So here’s the first one.  I’m starting off easy with Sometimes Stellar Storyteller Six Word Story Challenge.  SIX WORDS??!!  Even someone as lazy as me can manage that.   The theme of this week’s challenge is ‘Paranoia’.  My entry is:

Mice watch me.  They’re CIA spies…

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I’ll let you know if I win… (which I won’t).  I was going to use pigeon spies but I just really wanted to post this picture.  So mice it was.

Ok, that was a nice break but now it’s back to stressing.

 

 

 

Z is for Zoooooooom

Hurrah!!  The #atozchallenge is over and I can go back to posting twice a year.  It’s been quite a stressful process; trying to fit writing daily posts in between work, cooking, cleaning (alright, maybe not that) and watching Friends.  Trying to find tenuous links to stories or snippets I’d already written.  Worrying about losing most of my followers, who obviously seem to prefer quality over quantity😉

On the plus side, it’s got my creative juices flowing again (might have to see a doctor for that) and made me write again – which hopefully will result in books actually getting finished.  And I’ve found a handful of wonderful new blogs to follow.

So let’s celebrate with the classic Zoom, which always makes me think of Only Fools and Horses (I do do other things apart from watch TV, honestly…)

Now I’m off to catch some zzzzzzzzz.

#atozchallenge #zoom

 

 

Y is for Yoghurt. Or Yogurt.

…for our American readers.

Yoghurt is defined as, ‘A semi-solid sourish food prepared from milk fermented by added bacteria.’  Mmmm, tasty.  As well as being a fine fodder, it also has many other uses:

Bad joke alert!!!

Two cups of yogurt walk into a bar.  The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind in here.”

One cup of yogurt says, “Why not? We’re cultured individuals.”

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#atozchallenge #yoghurt #yogurt #Brooklyn 99

 

 

X is for Xenodochial etc

Today’s #atozchallenge explores the wonderful world of one of my favourite groups of people.

Xenodochial: Hospitable; kindly to strangers

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Xanthippe: Ill-tempered woman

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Xenoglossia: Person’s knowledge of a language never studied

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Xanthocomic: Yellow-haired

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Xenodochium: Building for the reception of strangers

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#Fawlty Towers All x-rated words from phrontistery.info

W is for Willies

Today’s #atozchallenge was going to be W is for Work. I started writing an amusing, yet insightful, post about work and all its difficulties – the stupid targets, ridiculous appraisals, having to deal with people who are total dicks, the wasted time when I could be doing something more productive, like writing blog posts or watching reruns of Castle – but then it became so whiny, weary and woeful that I had to stop for fear of losing those hardy readers that haven’t been scared off by the A-Z Challenge.

So instead you’ve got a bunch of Willies.  Enjoy.