Merry Christmas? #3LineTales

It’s been a busy few weeks while we’ve been off for the summer holidays. I sent my children’s book to several agents…I can now consider myself alongside the likes of JK Rowling as I’ve had my first rejection email!  Woohoo!

I’m currently working on a ‘cosy mystery’ novel, trying to fix some major plot holes before I hand it over to my editor at the beginning of October.

Less than two weeks to go before school starts. Chances of me signing to an agent/finding freelance work/winning the lottery before then??  Answers on a postcard etc etc.

In the meantime, here’s a quick Three Line Tale using the photo prompt below:

Merry Christmas?

Jeff bounced up and down on his chair, clearly desperate for me to open the oddly shaped present, covered in Santa wrapping paper. ‘Careful! It’s fragile.’

I gently pulled off the paper to reveal the hideous remains of a horrible snake type creature, its huge jaw lined with ferocious sharp teeth. ‘I got it off Ebay. Emily’s going to love it; it’s amazing!’

Emily did not appear amazed, choosing instead to suck on her toes. ‘Well, it’s certainly unusual, Jeff,’ I said, ‘but I’m not sure it’s quite appropriate for our six-month old baby’s first Christmas.’

photo by Samuel Zeller via Unsplash
Photo by Samuel Zeller via Unsplash
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Q is for Quite Amusing

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My favourite genre of books, films and TV has to be comedy.  I’m not too fussed how silly, rude, offensive or highbrow it is, just as long as it’s funny.  I like funny one liners, long drawn out stories, limericks (not poems – bleh) and songs.  And I can forgive a lot in people if they have a sense of humour.   So, for today’s A-Z Challenge, which of these jokes tickles your fancy?  If you don’t like any of them, what’s your favourite joke?

Joke 1:

‘I’ve decided to sell my Hoover … well, it was just collecting dust.’

Joke 2:

Two packets of crisps were walking down the road when a car stopped.

‘Do you want a lift?’

‘No thanks, we’re Walkers…’

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Joke 3:

Sandy and Bill are low on funds so they decide that Sandy should go on the game.   Later that night, Bill drops Sandy off at the docks.

‘How much should I charge?’ asks Sandy.

‘A hundred quid for all the way,’ says Bill.

Bill parks up round the corner and Sandy takes her pitch.  Pretty soon a guy in a beat-up old van stops and asks the price.

‘Hundred pounds.’

The guy says, ‘I’ve only got thirty. What’ll that get me?’

Sandy runs back to Bill and asks him.  ‘Tell him thirty pounds buys a hand job.’

So Sandy goes back to the guy and says he can get a hand job, take it or leave it.

He agrees and Sandy jumps in the van.  The guy unzips his trousers to reveal the most enormous trouser snake that Sandy has ever seen.

‘Whoa!  Hang on!’ gasps Sandy.  She jumps out of the van and runs back to Bill.

‘What now?’

‘Bill – can you lend this guy seventy pounds??’

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Joke 1 – Tim Vine

Joke 3 – original David Mitchell, ‘Cloud Atlas’