Although in Rome, I enjoyed the life of a lady who lunches (or drinks cappuccino, at least), once back in England I needed to find work. As I have children, I wanted a job which offers flexible hours and time off in the holidays [Sure your poor work ethic didn’t have anything to do with it?? – Ed. Shut your face – Me].
Therefore, like 70% of the mums I know, I’ve ended up working in a school. Apparently, 1.5 million part-time workers are over-qualified for their jobs, with women worst affected. This totally applies to me. Even if I did full-time hours, my job would still pay less than half what I was earning fourteen years ago before having kids. Moral of the story?? DON’T TAKE A CAREER BREAK!! Or, at least don’t something that changes so drastically over the years that you can’t go back.
Anyway, part of my job is supervising the library. And the students that use it. So my day involves conversations like this:
‘Miss, Josh has drawn a penis on my book.’
‘Josh, don’t draw in Harry’s book.’
‘Miss, Harry’s lying! I didn’t draw a penis.’
‘Miss, look, here’s the penis.’
‘Yes, I can see it, thank you, Harry. Can’t you just rub it out?’
‘I haven’t got a rubber, Miss, so I can’t rub the penis out.’
‘Right, here’s a rubber. Just rub it out please.’
‘Miss! I’ve rubbed the penis out but you can still see it. He’s ruined my book with a penis.’
‘Harry, it’s fine. You can hardly see it.’
‘Miss, I didn’t even draw that penis.’
‘He did, Miss, he drew the penis.’
‘I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANYONE ELSE SAY THE WORD PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
‘You said penis.’